just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize