i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
