i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
