fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
