At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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