Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
