Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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