Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
