went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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