is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
whose parrot is this?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
