A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
