you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
