I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
