i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
