The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
