I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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