3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
