there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
