I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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