I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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