and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
