didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
