Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
