Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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