he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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