i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
