She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize