goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
