Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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