I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
