I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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