it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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