peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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