I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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