Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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