Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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