I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i think my cat just said my name.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
