I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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