Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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