We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
