Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
