I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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