I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
