Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
