There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
