Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
BRING THE BAGELS
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
