2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I bet he comes in French.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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