it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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