omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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