I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
