I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
